Yes, we want our children to be smart and successful, but are we setting up our children to be scared of challenges? The leadership staff at Estes has been digging into research to answer the question of how to praise children.
For years parents and teachers have been praising children and talking about how smart they are. I know I have been guilty of talking to my children and telling them how smart they are. What I couldn't understand is how come I couldn't get them to take risks or challenges-basically try something new. I would say you are so smart you can do this or I don't understand why you won't try do this because you are so smart and I know you can do this.
The research that is out there now states it is our fault that our children and students don't want to take risks and challenges because we have set them up to not want to. These so called "smart" children are now afraid of being wrong and it is our fault. The so called "not so intelligent" children believe they can't do anything so why even try. The good thing is that it isn't too late to reverse what we have done.
Both parents and teachers need to speak of how hard the children are working instead of how smart the children are. By changing our choice of words we will hopefully create children and students who will believe they have what is called a growth-mindset instead of a fixed-mindset. What is a growth-mindset and a fixed mindset? Basically, a person with a fixed-mindset believes he or she can't increase their intelligence with putting in more effort and work ethic. A person with a growth-mindset believes he or she can do and learn anything as long as he or she puts in the work.
You all have seen the posters-If you believe it You can achieve it. Well, that is not necessarily the truth. We have to teach our children and students you have to do more than believe. You have to work hard and embrace challenges and failures. I can believe that I will get good grades, but if I don't work hard and plan how to get good grades I will not achieve that dream. So go ahead and dream and believe you are going to do something, but make sure you are putting in the work and challenging yourself to make the dream come true. Nothing in this life comes easy and we need to prepare our students that they will face challenges and obstacles when they are trying to make their dreams come true.
Here is my challenge to you- the next time you are proud of what your child has accomplished say "Look at how hard you worked" instead of "You are so smart".
Have a great week!
